self cylinder

by mary bue

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about

I released only 100 physical copies of this record. The CDs were duplicated by the late and dear Chip Stewart in his office at Amazing Grace Bakery and Cafe in Duluth, MN. The cardboard cases were designed and screen printed by hand by Nathan Bahls. The insert was a collage that I created and glued together of my photos, drawings and handwritten lyrics. I still have lots of copies of this insert, so if you want one (unstapled) - email me and perhaps we can work something out. :)

Ryan LeMahieu took most of the photos on this website -- thank you, ryan, for your incredible eyes.

The following was what I had written in the insert's back page:

This CD has been such a process. It almost wasn't going to happen. I apologize for any listening disturbances (such as distortion) but I felt it would be a shame to throw the entire project out.

Many amazing people contributed to this and my huge thanks go out to them. Huge thanks to my family and dynamic circle of friends. Love you! Mary Bue 2002

credits

released May 1, 2002

Lots of graphic design help from Nathan Bahls.

Sean Erspamer at Ballyhaus recorded myself, the piano, Crystal Meisinger, Sara Softich, Nick Patullo and Leon Rohrbaugh's additions.

All other sounds added by Hans Johnson, who produced and recorded them at New Finish studios.

Jessica Bennett took the photos from the original cd insert (featured on this website when you click on the song "Haunt"). Thanks, Jessie!

Zachary Kahmann took the back photo on the insert (featured on the song "Salt and Pepper"). Thanks, Zach!

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about

mary bue Minneapolis, Minnesota

MINNEAPOLIS STAR TRIBUNE’S BEST LOCAL ALBUMS OF 2015 (SO FAR): “Heretofore more of a tender coffeehouse balladeer, the Duluth music scene mainstay plugged in and blew off a harbor’s worth of steam while recording her breakthrough collection...Fans of ’90s alt-rock darlings like Belly & Jen Trynin will immediately take to the rocky hooks of songs like “Candy” and “Heart’s Desire.” - Riemenschneider ... more

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Track Name: Haunt
do the demons torture you in sleep he asked
and I said "no, they only visit. they're the people from my past. they haunt me."
oh they haunt me
they haunt me ...

do you isolate
do you individuate
do they burn you at the stake
do they burn you at the stake
they haunt you
Track Name: ampled, shackled
ampled, shackled daydream
what is to come?
visions of old rockers and reciting of life
unplug the phone

anxious sleep
droning through another week

speak to me of mists
and speak to me of sweet sundays
sledding down glitter hills
eyes meeting, holding precious stare

are you even in there??

you, my god, my child
cat's eye and twine
hay sanctuary
swing across the sea

speak to me of mists
and speak to me of sweet sundays
sledding down glitter hills
eyes meeting, holding precious stare
hay sanctuary
swing across the sea
our hope stands tangible
space in-between
Track Name: the city trees
i'd like to tell you about the city trees
the tired lions, the scent on the breeze
i'd like to get a better picture of the weight on my palms
the city's scream, the world's alarm
because something is pushing me
something is pushing me
something is pushing me to run.

no hell raising, no baby making
caffeine up staying
and showing flames
screens of pixels
berry picking
from what are we sinking? what songs become bold?
i was told as a child that i could do anything
i wrote love letters dripping with hope
and what anything has turned into
is the spin of my tires
the pump of the brakes and the motion
something is pushing me
something is pushing me to run

i wave goodbye again
always leaving, always seeking
some strange, jeweled sound
to where am i reaching?
a machine
a songbird
a soft warm hand to brush my cheek
and its cries
what ancient language is my sigh?

can't you understand?? no ordinary man are you
Track Name: tequila song
what would you do if i sing about tequila
what would you do if i sing about cocaine
this little girl, a virgin mary
substance doesn't come near me
let's exorcize my brain
let's exorcize my brain
what would you do if i sing about razors
what would you do if i sing about sex
bloody hell, what am i trying to say here
this light, this darkness and the shadows it has made

the deeper, deeper the hole of your sorrow
the deeper joy it takes to fill

what would you do if i sing about religion
what would you do if i sing about chaos
what would you do if i sing about life and death
sickness comes to me
in a baby's breath
Track Name: minimalist
he likes minimalists.
he likes it to look effortless.
so i'll sing in a husky breath,
and i'll bring even less.
merely a t-shirt and jeans ...
nothing else.
merely a t-shirt and jeans ...
nothing else.
Track Name: potential to be wild
what fiction do i choose to live for today
what partial truth do i adhere to?
that the sky is now white and the ground blue
Track Name: milk, honey and wine
i'm having a hard time
with milk, honey and wine
want them all at the same time
all at the same time

try to get through this
i've come this far
come this far
but the path towards
forgiveness
is strewn with thorns, isn't it?
thorns and scorn
thorns and scorn
Track Name: scenic rutledges
when you mindscape is so cold
that you can't harbour a human soul
turn up the thermostat behind your knees
i'm begging please
begging please
'cause I'm not ready for you to freeze
i'm not ready for you to freeze

you harbour the sharks and the masks
and the scenic rutledges of our archetypal pasts
Track Name: within this fire
blithering fool
blithering fool
sleep of the selkie
confidence of dream
listening ... compassionate drought
i am without a sound
without a sound in sight

liquid ambrosia
vitamin e
roses in my belt
yellowed scent of desire

within this fire i come and leave
within this fire i come and leave

a silent god tonight
pondering perfection
not.really.caring to reach it

and where did he go?
that brother, once a upon a time?
the leave fell from the flower, flower died
from lack of light

the presence of death, heavy
he's beating needles into his arm

where did he go?

within this fire i come and leave
he spins around and around in my head
again and again and again

to control the demons, to quench the addiction
to find pleasure, to find bliss

within this fire i come and leave
come and leave
Track Name: salt and pepper
salt and pepper which is better
his salt and pepper hair
his peppered back
his salted kiss
and who am i but sugar and cream
wishing to be
the scent of oranges and roses
on the distant breeze

someday i'll be
orange trees in the breeze
a a misted ocean
standing on the cliff
nearly falling in

standing on the street with a cigarette
rock beach
multitude sunny sleep
who is this dream girl
how can he love
everything i do?

waiting at the station for twenty one days
but i exaggerate
and pontificate and attempt to sedate
my nerves with appeal

someday i'll be
orange trees in the breeze
Track Name: into the blue
cold, pressure-less
tension dripping
from the smalls of our backs
until we are released

into the blue, into the blue
Track Name: the moon tonight
the moon tonight
the moon tonight
like a streetlight
flickers festers
and like a curse it goes out on me
goes out on me

i won't
i won't blink this time
i won't miss it
i won't miss this chance

bought flowers for myself
'cause who else is gonna do it?
who else is gonna see me through it?
and when the grown turns from green to brown
and from brown to white
i'm gonna walk onto it

i won't blink this time
Track Name: teach me
lying on the hood of my car
listening to the waves
inefficiently materializing
what i have to say
but i feel like an asshole
poetry stumbling in
and i don't know how to get there
where to go or even how to begin

teach me how to love
'cause i don't think i know
teach me how to love
'cause i don't think i know

i find it hard to sit still
feel so ill at ease
plotting the next move
the next choice, the next time to breathe
making certain that i'm doing something
something worth my time
Track Name: they closed down
they closed down
and left us on the steps.
swept up the inside,
unkept minds without.