self cylinder

by mary bue

/
1.
Haunt 04:23
do the demons torture you in sleep he asked and I said "no, they only visit. they're the people from my past. they haunt me." oh they haunt me they haunt me ... do you isolate do you individuate do they burn you at the stake do they burn you at the stake they haunt you
2.
ampled, shackled daydream what is to come? visions of old rockers and reciting of life unplug the phone anxious sleep droning through another week speak to me of mists and speak to me of sweet sundays sledding down glitter hills eyes meeting, holding precious stare are you even in there?? you, my god, my child cat's eye and twine hay sanctuary swing across the sea speak to me of mists and speak to me of sweet sundays sledding down glitter hills eyes meeting, holding precious stare hay sanctuary swing across the sea our hope stands tangible space in-between
3.
i'd like to tell you about the city trees the tired lions, the scent on the breeze i'd like to get a better picture of the weight on my palms the city's scream, the world's alarm because something is pushing me something is pushing me something is pushing me to run. no hell raising, no baby making caffeine up staying and showing flames screens of pixels berry picking from what are we sinking? what songs become bold? i was told as a child that i could do anything i wrote love letters dripping with hope and what anything has turned into is the spin of my tires the pump of the brakes and the motion something is pushing me something is pushing me to run i wave goodbye again always leaving, always seeking some strange, jeweled sound to where am i reaching? a machine a songbird a soft warm hand to brush my cheek and its cries what ancient language is my sigh? can't you understand?? no ordinary man are you
4.
tequila song 04:33
what would you do if i sing about tequila what would you do if i sing about cocaine this little girl, a virgin mary substance doesn't come near me let's exorcize my brain let's exorcize my brain what would you do if i sing about razors what would you do if i sing about sex bloody hell, what am i trying to say here this light, this darkness and the shadows it has made the deeper, deeper the hole of your sorrow the deeper joy it takes to fill what would you do if i sing about religion what would you do if i sing about chaos what would you do if i sing about life and death sickness comes to me in a baby's breath
5.
minimalist 03:06
he likes minimalists. he likes it to look effortless. so i'll sing in a husky breath, and i'll bring even less. merely a t-shirt and jeans ... nothing else. merely a t-shirt and jeans ... nothing else.
6.
what fiction do i choose to live for today what partial truth do i adhere to? that the sky is now white and the ground blue
7.
i'm having a hard time with milk, honey and wine want them all at the same time all at the same time try to get through this i've come this far come this far but the path towards forgiveness is strewn with thorns, isn't it? thorns and scorn thorns and scorn
8.
when you mindscape is so cold that you can't harbour a human soul turn up the thermostat behind your knees i'm begging please begging please 'cause I'm not ready for you to freeze i'm not ready for you to freeze you harbour the sharks and the masks and the scenic rutledges of our archetypal pasts
9.
blithering fool blithering fool sleep of the selkie confidence of dream listening ... compassionate drought i am without a sound without a sound in sight liquid ambrosia vitamin e roses in my belt yellowed scent of desire within this fire i come and leave within this fire i come and leave a silent god tonight pondering perfection not.really.caring to reach it and where did he go? that brother, once a upon a time? the leave fell from the flower, flower died from lack of light the presence of death, heavy he's beating needles into his arm where did he go? within this fire i come and leave he spins around and around in my head again and again and again to control the demons, to quench the addiction to find pleasure, to find bliss within this fire i come and leave come and leave
10.
salt and pepper which is better his salt and pepper hair his peppered back his salted kiss and who am i but sugar and cream wishing to be the scent of oranges and roses on the distant breeze someday i'll be orange trees in the breeze a a misted ocean standing on the cliff nearly falling in standing on the street with a cigarette rock beach multitude sunny sleep who is this dream girl how can he love everything i do? waiting at the station for twenty one days but i exaggerate and pontificate and attempt to sedate my nerves with appeal someday i'll be orange trees in the breeze
11.
cold, pressure-less tension dripping from the smalls of our backs until we are released into the blue, into the blue
12.
the moon tonight the moon tonight like a streetlight flickers festers and like a curse it goes out on me goes out on me i won't i won't blink this time i won't miss it i won't miss this chance bought flowers for myself 'cause who else is gonna do it? who else is gonna see me through it? and when the grown turns from green to brown and from brown to white i'm gonna walk onto it i won't blink this time
13.
teach me 04:38
lying on the hood of my car listening to the waves inefficiently materializing what i have to say but i feel like an asshole poetry stumbling in and i don't know how to get there where to go or even how to begin teach me how to love 'cause i don't think i know teach me how to love 'cause i don't think i know i find it hard to sit still feel so ill at ease plotting the next move the next choice, the next time to breathe making certain that i'm doing something something worth my time
14.
they closed down and left us on the steps. swept up the inside, unkept minds without.

about

I released only 100 physical copies of this record. The CDs were duplicated by the late and dear Chip Stewart in his office at Amazing Grace Bakery and Cafe in Duluth, MN. The cardboard cases were designed and screen printed by hand by Nathan Bahls. The insert was a collage that I created and glued together of my photos, drawings and handwritten lyrics. I still have lots of copies of this insert, so if you want one (unstapled) - email me and perhaps we can work something out. :)

Ryan LeMahieu took most of the photos on this website -- thank you, ryan, for your incredible eyes.

The following was what I had written in the insert's back page:

This CD has been such a process. It almost wasn't going to happen. I apologize for any listening disturbances (such as distortion) but I felt it would be a shame to throw the entire project out.

Many amazing people contributed to this and my huge thanks go out to them. Huge thanks to my family and dynamic circle of friends. Love you! Mary Bue 2002

credits

released May 1, 2002

Lots of graphic design help from Nathan Bahls.

Sean Erspamer at Ballyhaus recorded myself, the piano, Crystal Meisinger, Sara Softich, Nick Patullo and Leon Rohrbaugh's additions.

All other sounds added by Hans Johnson, who produced and recorded them at New Finish studios.

Jessica Bennett took the photos from the original cd insert (featured on this website when you click on the song "Haunt"). Thanks, Jessie!

Zachary Kahmann took the back photo on the insert (featured on the song "Salt and Pepper"). Thanks, Zach!

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mary bue Minneapolis, Minnesota

“If intimacy intrigues you and makes you into a skittish peeping tom, then be sure to catch Bue at her next performance.” – Alan Sparhawk, Low

Full intensity living without a second to waste or take for granted — that is Mary Bue’s M.O. An indie rock singer songwriter based in Minneapolis, her songs touch on the environment, dreams, love, and rising up out of trauma and sorrow.
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